In the world of early childhood education and parenting, we often focus on the child’s behaviour as the primary source of concern. We observe, analyse, and respond to what we see, sometimes without pausing to reflect on our own actions, words, and attitudes. But what if we shifted the lens inward? How do our responses, communication styles, and even our body language influence the behaviours we observe in children?
The Power of Our Language and Tone
Language is more than just words; it’s a powerful tool that shapes a child’s understanding of themselves and the world around them. When we use terms like "naughty," "tantrum," or "stroppy," we inadvertently attach a negative label to a child’s actions. This can be damaging, not just in the moment, but in how children internalise
these labels over time.
Instead, using terms like "dysregulated" helps us understand that the child is struggling with emotional balance, rather than being "bad" or "difficult."
Tone is equally important. A gentle, calm tone can de-escalate a situation, whereas a harsh or frustrated tone can exacerbate the child’s feelings of distress or anxiety. Our tone should convey understanding, patience, and compassion, even in challenging moments.
Body Language and Facial Expressions Matter
Children are incredibly perceptive. They often pick up on non-verbal cues faster than adults realise. Our body language and facial expressions are constantly communicating with them, even when we aren’t speaking. A warm smile, open body posture, and attentive eye contact can reassure a child and foster a sense of security. Conversely, crossed arms, a furrowed brow, or an impatient sigh can signal disapproval or frustration, potentially escalating a situation rather than calming it.
Being a Positive Role Model
Modelling positive behaviour is a cornerstone of early years theory. Children learn by observing the adults around them. If we want children to communicate respectfully and manage their emotions effectively, we must demonstrate these skills ourselves. This means showing empathy, practicing patience, and using respectful language in our daily interactions—
not just with children, but with everyone around us.
Educating Ourselves on Relational Language
The shift towards using relational language, such as "dysregulation," isn’t just a trend—it’s a necessary evolution in how we understand and respond to children’s needs. Educating ourselves on these terms and integrating them into our everyday language is crucial. When we avoid negative labels, we create a space where children feel understood and supported, rather than judged or punished.
Moving Away from Negative Labels
Words like "naughty" or "paddy" are not just descriptors—they carry a weight that can impact a child’s self-esteem and behaviour. These labels don’t offer solutions; they simply categorise behaviour without addressing the underlying causes. By eliminating these terms from our vocabulary, we shift from a punitive mindset to one that seeks to understand and connect. This is not just beneficial for the child—it’s transformative for us as adults, too.
The Role of the Adult in the Behaviour Equation
Understanding that behaviour is communication and that unmet needs often drive challenging behaviour is a significant step. But it’s only part of the equation. As adults, our responses, language, and attitudes play an equally critical role in shaping a child’s experience and development. By being mindful of how we communicate—both verbally and non-verbally—we can create a more compassionate, respectful, and effective approach to guiding children’s behaviour. This isn’t just about managing behaviour; it’s about building stronger, healthier relationships with the children in our care.
If you’re ready to dive deeper into this concept and begin shifting your approach to behaviour management, check out our latest blog on behaviour as communication and download our free interactive workbook to start making real, positive changes today.
Together, we can make a difference.
Carly
Lead Consultant
Have you seen our E-learning course Introduction to Behaviour as Communication: Understanding and Responding to Children's Needs—a perfect starting point for those wanting to dive deeper into this crucial topic. 👇
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